My babys

I'm just sitting here at the hospital watching my baby sleep. I wish Dawson could be here watching her sleep with me. He's starting to have some seperation issues, poor little guy. He cried so hard when I left yesterday. (I've been gone over a week)He was trying his hardest not to, and his little eyes just welled up with tears as soon as I hugged him. Broke my heart. I tried explaining to him whats going on but in his little head he's prob thinking this baby comes along I was already worried about "my mommy loving her more than me" (yes he said that, but then again when you're an only child what kid doesnt think that when a new baby comes along? )and now she's spending all this time up at the hospital. Not to mention the few other times I had to be away from him because of my pregnancy. I just feel so bad for him. He doesnt know any better. I think people think that he's 15 or 16 instead of 8. For some reason hes got in his head that Ava's number one, which is not true she's not number 1, him, Aryssa, and Ava are all number one in my book!!! He doesn't take that as she's sick and that's where mommy needs to be he takes that as mommy loves Ava more than me. He's 8, he's selfish, kids are supposed to be selfish. They want their mommys and daddys all to themselves. Heck I still want my mom all to myself sometimes. When I'm hurting or in the hospital or upset who do I call or want by my side? My mom. Well and Eric, but we're on the mommy subject right now:) Ok and you too Christa. oooook grandma too :) I think even at 16 if she was to be gone with my brother or sister I'd be upset too, I can't imagine if I was 8. As I'm holding him on the chair yesterday and hugging him, Eric decides to give a sippy cup to Aryssa and give it to him. I had to play it off like it was funny so it wouldnt hurt his feelings. He's already upset I don't think calling him a baby is going to help much. I know Eric was just kidding, but sometimes I don't think men think about that kind of stuff or realize how it can hurt a kids feelings. And besides that he is still my BABY! I mean I'm not going to have that much cuddle time left, he's growing up, and soon won't even want me kissing him. Ahhhhh that scares me I don't want to see that day. Oh well he's just going to have to deal with it. If he gives me stuff about it I'll start kissing him in front of all his friends at school and holding his hand to cross that street when he's 16 :) Oh goodness that's only in 8 years. And he's already 8... look how quick that went! Poor Aryssa, she's been away from her daddy all week too. She started bawling when we left. When she starts crying she has a really hard time stopping. She's so cute when she crys though, it makes you want to pinch her so she'll cry some more, hehe j-k! But she does (yes I know you're not supposed to start a sentence with but) this sniffle thing and she cant stop, you just have to see it, its CUTE! She's like the cutest cryer of all time! Poor Diane, she had to deal with two crying kids after we left, I bet she's glad to be home! Bless her heart, she stayed with them all week, over a week actually. I wouldnt have been able to do that and they're mine, hehe. I hope they were good for you!!!! I really don't know what we would have done without her this week. Her being there gave me and Eric both a chance to spend time with our little angel. All she's done is sleep, but when they're on the vent and of course have heart surgery, you never know what's going to go on. We both def felt better being able to be this close to her. Thanks so much again Diane, I hope sometime we can do something for you that means as much to you as what this did to us!!! Soooo Ava's still on the vent. If she doesn't get better over the weekend they're going to send her back over to the nicu. I guess they're better with handling babys that are on the vent for a legnth of time. Works for me! I feel better when she's over there anyway. It's going to suck because I can't spend the night with her... but I'll know she's in good hands when I leave. At least we can be there during the day and at home with Dawson and Aryssa in the evenings. I think that will be good for everyone!!! Espically the kids. I just wish wish wish we could bring Ava home with us. There really hasn't been any changes. She did (which I got a video of ) wiggle a little bit, opened her eyes to stare at me (gosh I missed that!) and watched her mobile today without de sating. Ok litterally as I said that her heart rate just dropped to high 50's. They gave her some sedation and suctioned her and she was good. Must've had some boogers in her throat!!! Plus she's on her belly and she DOES NOT like to be on her belly. Anyway earlier today, she just stared at me. Well it was a drug induced slanty eyed stare. Her heart rate, oxygen, nothing went crazy. Normally as soon as she starts stirring they have to sedate her because she de-sats. Not today. I think that's a GREAT sign. She's not in pain like she was for one, plus she's breathing over the machine when she's awake, and that's good. She has to do that in order for them to take her off. It's prob (once again something different) going to be next week before she gets off the vent. We'll see how this weekend goes I guess. OK well, some little brown boy keeps trying to come in this room, so I'm going to get the nurse, then post this video. Sorry no new pictures, except one. It's of the ambulance Ava got to ride in. Her first big girl car ride ;) Everyone have a good weekend!!!